[Daily Ramblings] exhausted

Have you ever felt like waking up one day and you miss everything and everything feels shitty. 

And just damnit what have I been doing this 30 years of my life. 

I am so mentally physically exhausted. 

That feeling of just wanting to run away shut everything fort a while. Be away from everyone and live a little by doing nothing. 

Not worrying about anything. 

Not thinking about anything. 

Is it possible to do that now? 

Waking up not thinking about what will happen next. 

Just give this brain some time to rest. This heart some rest. From trying to please anyone. From getting to know anyone. From rushing into things. 

I kept wondering why do I keep meeting the wrong people in life. Maybe to teach a lesson but dont you think couple of them is enough? 

Why is it hard to meet someone genuinely nice and just chill be crazy and laugh at stupid jokes. Why must when I meet that person he ends up being someones husband? 

Or why do I keep being attracted strangers who are total opposite that you know you will end up getting hurt in the end. Why do I even pursue to continue trying to get to know that person when I clearly know theres no future for us? 

Is there? Will there be? 

I kept thinking for the past one week that no we definitely are not meant for each other. We literally annoy each other everyday. He literally hates everything that I love. He's cold. Annoying. Why must I be attracted to him? 

I wonder as well.